Graceful Endings

I've done a fair amount of hiking over the last few weeks, taking in the change of seasons. I have always loved Autumn best. It is more than fall color that draw me to this time of year. There is a feeling in the air, a feeling that change is afoot. It wakes me up in a way very different than the first shoots of Spring. I feel attentive. Alert. It feels like I am standing at a crossroads, ready to take a new direction, knowing anything could happen.

All that is a lot to read into fall leaves and a chill in the air! What struck me today was the graceful way the leaves let go of the branches and spiral through the air to the ground. It doesn't feel like a loss of life but a spiraling to another life, a transition and transformation. Won't that leaf, after all, mulch back into the earth and take on new form? It is a graceful sort of release and not at all an unwilling march to death.

Where my mind spiraled as I followed the whirling leaves was down a parallel path. When I look in the mirror, I find that my own endings are seldom graceful. I often go down kicking and screaming, at least on the inside. It doesn't have to be that way, and the autumn leaves are inspiring me in new directions, for I do feel there are some endings afoot for me. Can I do it differently this time, even gracefully?

I think it is better to do a leave-taking from a place of passion and love than from regret and sour grapes. I want to say "Ah, I will miss you! The times we had!" and not look over my shoulders with a "Good riddance!" I want to love and honor those parts of my life I am releasing. In fact, if I am to make a good beginning, isn't that rooted in a good ending? I'd rather look back with fond memories than bitter!

Yes, I am making an ending, and I would make it a good one this time. I would have my eyes and heart wide open, embracing what I have learned and how I have loved and been loved. Whether the ending is in a relationship, with a place of residence or work, or something more subtle, I would honor it all. Good bye need not be good riddance. Leaving need not be escaping. I choose to lovingly let go of what is and welcome in the new. It is frightening, letting go of this branch, but I believe in the spiral dance that will follow when I release it. I am practicing graceful endings.