Receiving

We have been taught "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Today, I am questioning that statement. I am feeling its limits. It is holiday time, and many of us are buying or creating thoughtful and loving gifts for friends and family. I enjoy this. I enjoy giving. What I am less good at is receiving.

Have you done it? Have you treated giving and receiving as a transaction? "You bought the coffee last time. It's my turn." There is some illusion here that we need to even things out, and that suggests to me that there is sometimes power at play in giving, that the giver has an advantage over the receiver. Maybe you heard statements like this one as a child: "After all we've done for you, the least you could do is . . . " That one implies there is a debt attached to receiving! There are also those times when we could clearly use some help and we decline the offers with "No thanks. I'm fine. I'll take care of it." We do ourselves and others a great disservice when we label one need greater than another. We dim our own light by “exchanging” and trying to even things out.

This holiday season, I want to learn the art of graciously receiving. When I first started to pay attention to how poor I am at receiving, I had an epiphany: Like it or not, I am always receiving. Each breath we receive renews our life. Each heartbeat. We don't ask that heart to beat and we don't thank it, but it continues to faithfully offers its gift. Today rain falls from the sky, and living in a state of prolonged drought in California, I am again struck with how lovely it is to receive the gift of rain. The tail wag of the dog as he greets me at the door . . . ah, something else I can practice receiving! Now I notice how beautifully the coffee mug offers warmth to my hands. Receive. Receive. Receive.

The more I pay attention, the more receiving becomes a sort of mindfulness practice, taking me more deeply into the moment, and putting me in right relation with a world that is constantly and faithfully offering its gifts to me, if only I have eyes to see, ears to hear, hands to hold out, palms up.

What would it look like, to graciously receive, and receive in such a way that the giver glowed with our response? To receive with grace offers a gift back to the giver,

for receiving and giving are relationship and they cannot be separated. There is a bond that occurs that goes way beyond anything in the way of a retail transaction. There is an “I see you” and “I value you” that occurs in true gifting, and it requires the courage to be vulnerable as receivers to accept this deep gift. In ancient Greece and other cultures, a guest to the house, even a stranger, was given gifts. Today we do the opposite: we bring the hostess a gift, as if to pay for their hospitality to us! To me, the more ancient tradition of gifting the guest is the truer. It implies, “You have given us the greatest gift with your presence, so we offer you gifts in return.”

Ultimately, giving and receiving represent a spiritual exchange. There is energy here. I wear the gloves you knit and I receive again and again. I feel your presence. The energy is love, and it works best as a flow, not a transaction. May our days be swept into tides of giving and receiving and with this may we learn a new way of honoring each other.