Transitions Two - Earthed

The sand on the beach looks black when you gaze down from the bluff. The reality is something different. Each grain of sand, or each pebble in this case, is unique in color and shape. Each will tell its own story, if I will listen. Today, I gazed at these pebbles. (This does not bode for an exciting blog post, but I will write what I am experiencing.) I gifted myself with a day of silence, knowing that usually when the giddiness of arrival here at the ocean's edge wears off, it is replaced by a profound weariness. The simple act of pausing my life lets in wave after wave of all the emotions I have pushed away in my busy-ness. Surprise, surprise . . . they did not go away, but were here waiting patiently for my attention.

Today, I let the earth take me back. I had no expectations and received no particular epiphanies, unless it is an epiphany to experience the enoughness of my own aliveness, and of just walking on this planet. I have been hovering over my life at the 30,000 foot level for months now and today, I landed. I walked. I sat on a beach and sifted pebbles through my fingers. I came to ground and asked the earth to take me home.

If I prayed, it was not the sort of prayer I could put into words. But there was a sort of hopeful request I breathed with every step I took: Take me back. Take me home. Sifting pebbles through my hands and feeling a sun-warmed rock against my back, this request was answered. I wasn't asking for a vision for how to lead the remainder of my life. I just wanted to settle, and take my place on this earth again. Slowly, so slowly, the earth takes me back. Slowly, I adjust my rhythms to tides and winds in the grasses and hawk's cry. It is more an un-doing than a doing. It is one, big exhale.

For months, I have led others through the pandemic with mindfulness practices, always counseling self-care. I have practiced to slow my inner chatter. I have practiced breathing. It feels almost comical that I would teach this. I am better suited to the role of student. So I return to the earth, air, fire and water to teach me what I already know when I remember my place on this planet. Today, I come to earth, and re-member.